


Wonderland

by CDM



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Human!Stuck, Mental Instability, Multi, Oneshot, Suicide, Wonderland, mentioned rape, most relationships are just mentioned, some violence mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6218050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CDM/pseuds/CDM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas can't take much more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wonderland

     You just attempted suicide for the first time. You guess you did decide to do it in a pretty stupid place but you just couldn't handle the taunting anymore and trying at school seemed like a better idea than trying at home where **HE** is. Your father is an abusive, alcoholic jerk that doesn't care about his family at all. Five years ago when you were six your older brother got kicked out onto the streets by him for being gay. Three years later on the news channel your town has for itself- it's a small place, really -there was a segment about him and his boyfriend having been killed. But with how your father is...if you had tried at home he would have just started beating you or would have let his friends in, again. Oh...your girlfriend, Terezi. Through the fog you can hear her screaming to you and to others for help. As you lose conciseness you hear her crying to herself, "I can't handle this....I have to end this....I can't handle this."

    That night you went to sleep and surprisingly you visited a very nice place. Everywhere you looked was so colorful and wonky that it reminded you of a movie you had watched with your mother when you were little and your dad still had a job that kept him away for months at a time. You remember it was called "Alice in Wonderland" or something like that. All around you your friends are happy, and so are their families and your dad and his friends don't exist here and your mother is giggling and painting. Just like life should have been like. You cry when you wake up to your alarm. You want to go back to 'Wonderland'.

     You just attempted to keep your father's friends out of your room for the sixth time this night. For the past week they've been coming over every day. Your mother warned you and then hid herself away in her art room...but it didn't keep them from getting in this time. You're tired, you've barely slept the past five days, you've only eaten the food from school...you just don't have the energy for this anymore. They kick your door again and it flies open, all of them given drunken cheers and rejoicing as they circle you. Your father just stands there watching as the push you down and remove your clothes. You cry, you almost ask him for help, but there's nothing you can do. So you just lay there. Once they're done and gone from your room, heading for your mother's art room, your father leans down to you. "Now you're a whore just like your mommy, kid. Only one thing is missing in all of this- me." You let more sobs escape your throat. This night just couldn't get worse as you watch your father chug the beer that had been in his hand and then unbuckle his own pants. At the age of thirteen you're no longer a virgin.

     You pass out during what your dad begins to do with you and as every night you finally enter sleep, Wonderland appears to you. Your friends all surround you, crying and apologizing for letting this happen to you. You tell them that it's alright. You notice two friends holding hands so you change the subject to them. Apparently in Wonderland, time moves much faster, because Aradia and Equius are together and Sollux is okay with it. Then again...Wonderland is your own mind. You have to remind yourself of this all of the time. You wake up a full 24 hours later, tired and crying. You just want to go back to sleep, go to Wonderland. Wonderland is a safe place, after all. It's a happy place.

     You just visited a hospital for the first time in your life at the age of fourteen. Unexpectedly though it's not for you but for a friend. Your mind goes fuzzy as you stare at her in her bed. It looks like she's sleeping peacefully. It's so strange to not see an over-sized smile on her face, or for her to not have on that strange red lipstick, or to be able to see her brown-red eyes lit up as she laughs. Beside you her boyfriend is crying. Begging her to wake up. Saying he's sorry. Apparently- from what you were told -the two had been playing around with a small group of your friends. They were having "puppet" fights - that game where one of your friends has control over you and they can make you do whatever they want- and Vriska had been Sollux's puppeteer. But when Sollux got tired of Vriska trying to make him beat up Tavros who was being controlled by Aradia he forced his way out of her grasp and bumped into a bookcase. It toppled down on Aradia and Tavros. That explained why Tavros was suddenly in a wheelchair and Aradia was here. In a coma on a bed in an unfamiliar place that smelled like medical drugs. Your friend hugs you and begins to cry into your shoulder. You can only hope no one else ends up in this place.

     You go to sleep that night after your father beats you for being late getting home. In Wonderland Sollux runs up to you crying, his arms snaking around you as he babbles on. apparently, Aradia had gotten hurt and wasn't acting like her normal self. She wasn't the same. She didn't want to LARP anymore, and she didn't feel like adventuring. Instead she just wanted to sit there and sit there. You couldn't tell dream-Sollux why she was like this. You couldn't break his heart. You just tried your best to calm him down. You saw that Equius was trying his best to appeal to Aradia's sense of beauty and adventure, himself, as he gives her a flower...which she crushes. Wonderland tonight was dark for a long time.

     Three months after Aradia went into a coma and you're back at the hospital. A friend of yours got addicted to some really bad drugs. He hadn't been able to get them for a while and today he slashed out at anyone and everyone. One friend of yours tried to calm him and, well, he got his neck snapped. Another tried to slap your other friend after that but her wrist got caught and she was picked up and swung into a locker before having her head smashed in by your druggie friend's boot. You would have been next if Sollux hadn't jumped in. According the the doctors he'll never be able to see with his own eyes again. You're sitting in the room with him, hyperventilating and crying in his lap as he hugs you. He's trying to calm you down, you know he is, but you can't focus on his words. You should have died, too. Sollux shouldn't have jumped in like that. You got him hurt by not being able to defend yourself. You're surprised when you feel his arm snake around your waist, though, because it's the same as what dream-Sollux would do and it makes you flinch and your heart beat pick up. Sollux chuckles, his voice a little hoarse but still his voice, "It'th only me, KK, theeth." You nod, "I know, sheesh, who do you take me for?", before sighing. You're out of tears today. If you weren't though, you would probably have started to cry even harder because it's taken this long for you to realize that you've fallen in love with him. You're in love with Sollux. But he loves Aradia. The pretty girl with the soft hair that goes past her waist and who loves adventure and who happens to have gone into a coma three months ago. You do nothing to stop him from fixing your positions on the bed, him pulling you towards him as he complains that sitting up is tiring. You fall asleep in the bed with his arms around you that night.

     You find yourself in Wonderland, as always, and you look around you. You notice for starters that Aradia seems to be doing better. That cheers you up instantly. She's how she should be. Talking excitedly with everyone and laughing as a flower-crown is placed onto her head and humming as someone begins to braid her hair. But then you freeze. Equius's face is blue and something is poking out of his neck, and Nepeta's coat has red splatters on it and the top of her head is dented, and Sollux's glasses are gone and his eyes are foamy and blurred. They notice your concern and run over to you, promising that they'll be back to normal soon enough and that everything is okay. You nod silently, letting your dream-friends drag you over to sit with them all. Your Sollux pulls you into his lap and you sigh, letting him play with your hair as Aradia tells everyone about her latest adventure and Equius stares at her lovingly and unlike in real life she stares back. Feferi chimes in to story-time with her and Eridan's latest swim and how they found a really cool ship-wreck, and Nepeta joins in with talking about her latest hunt and everyone is happy, and everyone is alive, and it's all how things should be. The next time you awake you're already crying from having left Wonderland and Sollux is standing over you concerned and he starts to examine you to see if you're okay and you realize then that you're in a different room now. "KK, you've been athlep for two dayth," you hear him say and you cry, because he's worried about you and he's fluttering his hands about you to make sure you're okay and you know that the hospital probably examined you and found your wrapped up wounds and that he's not talking about those because they all knew. You realize that there's no going back anymore.

     It's been a year since Nepeta and Equius's deaths, and Aradia still hasn't woke up, and your dad still isn't gone. But after you were in the hospital for two days you and Sollux visit her on your way home. Your schedule is simple: Wake up eventually, Go to school if it's daytime, visit Aradia with Sollux on your way home, walk Sollux home, go home, get either beaten or raped, go back to sleep, rinse and repeat. You're currently standing in front of Sollux's home, and he's not letting go of your hand. He pulls you towards him, and he feels your face for a second, and then he kisses you. You're surprised and so confused. He thanks you, and then turns- going inside. You don't know what to do and something about that seemed so wrong. You cry as you head home yourself.

     Your father wasn't home that night so you cried yourself to sleep, thinking about the kiss that the real Sollux gave you. Dream-Sollux pulls you onto his lap, and you start to explain everything to him, and he flinches every now and again and he plays with your hair. His only response is that you should try to help the real him, and that this him- dream him- won't be jealous. No matter what. You wake up in a hospital bed, again, and the first thing you see is Sollux, sleeping next to you. You sit up, slowly, as you realize you've probably been asleep for a very long time. Sollux suddenly wakes up and starts to cry, "KK, ith that you?" You pet his head, and he clumsily stands and hugs you. It turns out you had been found still sleeping on day three and near death so they took you to the hospital. In all, you had been sleeping for a week. You try to spend as much time awake with your friends as you can, but it's so hard to do. You're so happy in Wonderland and you can feel it calling for you. You know that all you would have to do is lay down and you would be asleep. But you look at Sollux, and at the others, and you wonder how you could ever do this to them. Eventually though, you do fall asleep again, and you don't know how but you get swept away by it. You keep dreaming, and dreaming, and dreaming, and you just say "fuck it" to waking up. Eventually, without you ever knowing it, you forget the real world. You forget that the real world exists and all there is for you now is "Wonderland".

     You're happier than you feel you've ever been. You're older now, 20 years old in fact. But suddenly the world feels off. And the next thing you know you're opening your eyes. The room you're in is plain white and you get a panicky feeling in your chest and you sit up. Everything comes crashing back to you and you don't know what to do. You HAVE to return to Wonderland. You can't stay here. How long have you been asleep? Where is Sollux? Is Aradia still alive? A doctor enters the room, dropping her clipboard and turning, yelling something about you finally being awake into the hall, and a small group of familiar faces runs into the room. Sollux is the first one to begin telling you everything you had missed out on, and Feferi is there beside him. You should have known this would happen. You're 18 now. Sollux and Feferi are a couple now. Equius, Nepeta, Aradia, and Eridan are dead. Eridan committed suicide. You know how the others died. Aradia's family cut her life-support. Sollux runs a small at home computer business now. Feferi is on her way to becoming a pro-swimmer. Kanaya and Rose have their own clothing brand, now. Everyone is happy. Everyone but you. You're eventually released from the hospital. You manage to live a normal but depressed life for about a year. But every time you remember Wonderland, you want to go back. Back to where Sollux was yours, and your friends are alive, and you're not so confused and sad, and you don't have to see Feferi hanging off of his arm, and your father isn't in your life, and your mother is younger again. Back to where you can live happily. It's been a year of this, you think. And so you walk home with Sollux and Feferi. You apologize to them both before kissing Sollux. you say you were happy with him, but that you're happy for him. You go into your home and lock the door. Feferi is crying. You can hear her from in here. You close your curtains and you go into the kitchen. Sollux is banging on your door, and you can hear him searching for the spare key. But by the time they get inside....you're in Wonderland. Karkat Vantas no longer exists in the living world. He's in Wonderland now.


End file.
